I am very excited for tomorrow when I get to join my father and brother for a night Minnesota Twins game against the Los Angeles Angels. Not that the Minnesota Twins are worth seeing this year because they have been doing terrible and I haven't even watched a single game yet. I am looking forward to spending time with my dad and brother since we rarely see each other even though we don't live all that far apart.
Which brings me to tonight's post on the following blogging challenge: "Things I'm Afraid to Tell You". Interesting and not something I would normally write about as I don't like to feel too exposed but I figured to give it a shot anyway after reading this.
1. Perfection Gets The Best of Me: I feel best about myself when everything is neat and orderly around me. Nothing extra on my desk, clothes put away, nothing laying on the floor and many other annoyingly "cleanliness is next to godliness" things. For the last few weeks I have been trying to create videos and blog posts for my websites and I end up doing about 50 takes of video and end up not posting anything because the end results don't meet my idea of being "good enough".
2. My Desires Are My Demons: I always want what I can't have and always buy what I can't afford. I blame it on a lack of connection with a family, parents and friends but I am a true shopaholic. This has been my biggest downfall for all of my adult life and even though I have had a clean slate at one point in my life, I screwed up time and time again. The good news is that I have finally realized that "things" don't make me happy. Now if I could only dig myself out of my debt hole that I have jumped into.
3. I Seriously Lack Self-Confidence: If there is one thing about my appearance that makes me feel "off" it affects my whole day. In my mind I have an image of the person I want to be and because the everyday me is not that person, it brings me down. Thankfully, I have come to understand that you can't change yesterday, but you can become who you want to be by changing yourself right now.
4. I Live Vicariously Through Others: Thanks to the Internet I can follow people on social networks who are living life and doing things I can only dream of. Musicians, Photographers, Chefs, people who are happy with their careers and live in beautiful places of the world.
5. If I Could Live Everyday How I Wanted: In my ideal life I would wake up when I naturally would, meditate, eat a light healthy breakfast, enjoy a cup of delicious coffee while looking at beautiful scenery like the a beach in California, a lake in Northern Minnesota or the mountains of Colorado and spend my day making music, writing, taking pictures, cooking delicious food and spending all day with my wife and daughter. Instead I waste my life in a cubicle doing a job that I am completely burnt out on and getting no where with no joy in any of it and it is eating away at me a little more everyday.